Okay, so here’s a moment of vulnerability I feel the need to share. I don’t know what I want to do with my life.
I haven’t gone 27 years without a plan–let me reassure you. Just over a year ago I had many plans. I was extremely happy and content, driven and passionate. I had personal, spiritual, and professional goals. I was running two blogs and two YouTube channels. I worked from home. I was a wife. I had the schedules for my websites planned for the next year. I had my five year goals written out. I knew which conferences I wanted to attend and what creators I wanted to reach out to for mentorship. I was researching PR and management companies. I knew when I was going to start a family and how to save up for a house. I knew which job I wanted after the one I was at.
I had all the plans you are supposed to have in order to be successful. And then one day, everything fell apart.
I sold everything, quit my job, sank into depression, and fought anxiety and insomnia. I moved 3000 miles to the other side of the country with what I could fit in my car. I felt like all I had left was my family. I didn’t have goals, I wasn’t a wife, and I had no drive for what I used to be passionate about.
I followed the plan I made. Sell everything. Pack the rest. Use the money to move. Get a job as a receptionist. Figure the rest out later.
I did all of that. And now, almost a year later, I still don’t have a plan for the rest. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I never had big career goals. I have literally never had a plan to be a single 27 year old who must consider doing life alone.
I can’t blame my ex, I can’t blame my education, and I can’t blame my circumstances. The only thing holding me back is myself. I have interests and passions. Maybe planning to pursue them as a career is scary. Maybe I just keep thinking I will do it tomorrow instead, or next year, or the year after. I like being an administrator. I love where I work. Maybe I don’t want to leave them. But maybe I also don’t want to feel uncomfortable.
Maybe I can find my baby steps and work my way toward something. I just don’t know what that something is yet. It’s okay to be afraid, but it isn’t okay to let that fear hold you back from something you would regret not doing later in life.
Until next time,