Friends, this update is overdue. The past few months, my personal life became a lot more public than I was accustomed, and I pulled back to only share with my immediate circle.
I was also on an adventure. Not the kind that takes you to remote parts of the world, but the kind that stretches you and grows you and pops you out on the other side with battle scars and strength. I think that is an adventure worth sharing.
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and that includes the people who come in and out of our lives. Some people have more impact on us than others. I recently had the privilege of getting to know someone who unexpectedly appeared in my life and was all kinds of wonderful. I was terrified of letting them in, because people like this get to know a you that no one else gets to see. They get to peel back the layers, past the nice, strong exterior to the mushy bits that are a little bit broken and a little worse for the wear. And the more they know about you, the more they can hurt you. But what I really want you to know is that taking that risk is worth it, no matter the outcome.
This time, this adventure, came to a close as quickly as it had started. So what do you do when that risk doesn’t pan out?
At first you don’t know what to do, because it’s an all new kind of broken. The heart you’ve stitched together comes undone and the bulldozer parks itself on your chest again. The broken glass in your stomach comes up your throat and out of your eyes and nose and mouth and ears. All the darkness looks alive and the quiet that fills your soul is the loudest noise you’ve ever heard. But you get up in the morning because you have to go to work. And you put on your brave face when everyone says you will be okay.
Then slowly, when you let them, little rays of light will peek through. You will feel the power of prayer. You will slowly find your rhythm again, because you’ve been broken before and you know the routine. And you will begin to recognize the ways in which that person helped you to really live again, and wouldn’t it be a shame to let that go too?
It is a brave thing, to face your fears. After what I have been through, being afraid of getting hurt again, and really actually being afraid of losing loved ones is completely normal. But staring that fear down and pushing past the anxiety to do it anyways is something to be proud of, no matter the outcome.
Please keep me in your prayers. I need peace and fast heart healing. God always has a purpose, and He has many more chapters to write. He will take us where it pleases Him. Trust.
Until next time,
“Whatever you’ve lost, if you choose to magnify it, you’re going to live in what you lost.” -Steven Furtick