The other day my coworker said something that really hit me.
She named my emotions, and I immediately felt like crying. It made what I was feeling understandable, relatable, and easier to conquer. Names are powerful.
Both are, of course, wildly untrue.
But does that stop us from feeling that way? Of course not.
Ladies, I have had men choose their careers instead of me, or choose women who are extremely similar to me, or just flat not choose me. I have been cheated on, lied to, led on, and all around treated like no person should be treated. And it always sucks, to feel Not Chosen.
I wish we could shake men awake and tell them to be honest, with us and with themselves. But you can’t make someone have a good heart. You can’t make someone want to be in your life. You can’t make someone love you. Even if you choose the Right Guy who is good and loving and caring and compassionate and Everything, it still doesn’t mean that he will choose you. And that’s okay–he doesn’t have to, even if we want him to. But it still sucks.
Waking up alone. Grocery shopping alone. Paying bills alone. Dealing with sudden emergencies alone. Living alone. Spending your evenings alone. Driving alone.
People invite you places. You invite other people places. Your family includes you in things.
But you still go home alone. And in your darkest moments the men who didn’t choose you are like bright red tally marks in your mind.
“Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me.” -Lysa TerKeurst
So what do we do? When these dark moments and rejection and unreasonable feelings of being Unwanted and Unloveable take over?
Don’t let your list of rejections make you accept the love you are offered if it isn’t the love you deserve. Been there, done that.
Instead, take the time and put the effort into falling in love with yourself. Just like you would with any relationship, invest in yourself. Take your own hot self on a date! Get yourself in that headspace that says you are worth it. That you are valuable. That you are lovable. That the people who didn’t choose you are missing out. Stop thinking, “Why am I not enough?” and start thinking, “It’s too bad they aren’t smart enough to choose me.”
“Be strong. Be brave. Be fearless. You are never alone.” -Joshua 1:9
If you can love the wrong people so much, imagine what loving and being loved by the right person will be like. Love yourself enough to recognize your value. Other people’s opinions don’t really matter. God’s got you.
Until next time,