november randoms and favorites

“Those who leave everything in God’s hands will eventually see God’s hands in everything.”

November was by no means my best month on record, but at the same time, I loved it. I learned a lot about myself, grew closer to my friends, and found my strength. I have been thinking recently about where I’m at, where I am going, and everything it has taken to get me here. I am so very grateful for everything in my past, because without it I wouldn’t be where I am now. Every day carries challenges, and I love tackling them.

In November I jumped into photography, chased the super moon, went on a crazy road trip, and had three Thanksgiving meals.

Favorites of November:
Artist // The 1975
Songs // “The City” by The 1975 and “She Used to Be Mine” by Sara Bareilles
Album // “Slow Motion” by Whitsett
Movie // Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
TV shows // Grey’s Anatomy and Friends
Clothing item // Grey oversized sweater
Quote // “At any given moment you have the power to say: this is not how the story is going to end.”
Tweet // “It’s a good thing I keep so much food in my purse. #sohungry.” -4 years ago, Jamie’s Life: A Novel.

Until next time,
❤
Jamie

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” -Ephesians 4:2

Unwanted. Unloveable.

The other day my coworker said something that really hit me.
She named my emotions, and I immediately felt like crying.  It made what I was feeling understandable, relatable, and easier to conquer.  Names are powerful.

Unwanted.
Unloveable.

Both are, of course, wildly untrue.
But does that stop us from feeling that way?  Of course not.

Ladies, I have had men choose their careers instead of me, or choose women who are extremely similar to me, or just flat not choose me.  I have been cheated on, lied to, led on, and all around treated like no person should be treated.  And it always sucks, to feel Not Chosen.

I wish we could shake men awake and tell them to be honest, with us and with themselves.  But you can’t make someone have a good heart.  You can’t make someone want to be in your life.  You can’t make someone love you. Even if you choose the Right Guy who is good and loving and caring and compassionate and Everything, it still doesn’t mean that he will choose you.  And that’s okay–he doesn’t have to, even if we want him to.  But it still sucks.

Waking up alone.  Grocery shopping alone.  Paying bills alone.  Dealing with sudden emergencies alone.  Living alone.  Spending your evenings alone.  Driving alone.

People invite you places.  You invite other people places.  Your family includes you in things.

But you still go home alone.  And in your darkest moments the men who didn’t choose you are like bright red tally marks in your mind.

“Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me.” -Lysa TerKeurst

So what do we do?  When these dark moments and rejection and unreasonable feelings of being Unwanted and Unloveable take over?

Don’t let your list of rejections make you accept the love you are offered if it isn’t the love you deserve.  Been there, done that.

Instead, take the time and put the effort into falling in love with yourself.  Just like you would with any relationship, invest in yourself.  Take your own hot self on a date!  Get yourself in that headspace that says you are worth it.  That you are valuable.  That you are lovable.  That the people who didn’t choose you are missing out.  Stop thinking, “Why am I not enough?” and start thinking, “It’s too bad they aren’t smart enough to choose me.”

“Be strong.  Be brave.  Be fearless.  You are never alone.” -Joshua 1:9

If you can love the wrong people so much, imagine what loving and being loved by the right person will be like.  Love yourself enough to recognize your value.  Other people’s opinions don’t really matter.  God’s got you.

 

Until next time,
❤
Jamie

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my iPhone life || september 2016

September was pretty chill. There was a lot of healing, too much shopping, and a whole lot of sitting around in my apartment by myself.

I decorated for fall on September first. I used to go all out–putting up garlands and scattering fake leaves around my centerpiece of awesomeness. There were wreathes and dangling bedazzled pinecones, all surrounded by an aroma of pumpkin goodness. This year I kept it more simple by embracing the minimalist look and showing my white pumpkins some love.

(this moment brought to you by Snapchat // jamieddaily)
“Wake up early. Drink coffee. Work hard. Be ambitious. Keep your priorities straight, your mind right and your head up. Do well, live well and dress really well. Do what you love, love what you do. It is time to start living.”

My family makes an annual journey up north to the outlets to hit the sales and spend a lot of money on things that we don’t need. Don’t worry, y’all, that Hashtag PSL is decaf.

The best clothing item to ever clothing item, of the Gap vest variety.
Seriously. I need an intervention.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. // Eccl 3:11
Beautiful people do not just happen.
One of the passages my church taught on this day was from Ecclesiastes. When I came home, I decided to read the book and chapter three stuck out to me. Something bigger is always going on because God is in everything. Every ending, there is a road to a new beginning. We get hope that He is in the trials.
Trust.

Coco’s first time at my house. The first thing she did was poop on the floor. She wasn’t so sure about any of it, but getting to cuddle on the couch is always exceptional in her book.

This was a thing for a while. I often have trouble sleeping because of my anxiety, so on nights when I just couldn’t get my mind to stop, I would turn on a movie. Sense and Sensibility was the best choice, I think.

Orfila was close to my house in San Diego. I miss being in wine country sometimes. It’s hard to go wrong with a moscato, though.

On the recommendation of my friend and coworker, I started reading “Uninvited” by Lysa TerKeurst. If you feel unloved, or unwanted, or have found that deep seated rejections from your past affect your present relationships and worldview, please consider reading it. “Things of this world all eventually reveal what incapable anchors they really are… Is God good? Is God good to me? Do I trust God to be God? …Live from the abundant place that you are loved.”

My window. Will not. Stop leaking.
My landlord has fixed it and patched it and taped it. Supposedly it will get replaced one of these days. But until then, I might occasionally wake up to having a swimming pool in my kitchen.

For how much time I spend at church, I really don’t document it often. I kind of just let it be and live in the moment. Sometimes it’s nice to keep things for ourselves. After sharing so much of my everything on YouTube for so long, I am beginning to really find peace and joy in experiencing things without telling ANYONE about them.

My boss bought me a Death Star lamp.
WHAT.
even the heck.
I just adore her.

The week before Hurricane Matthew hit, we had a massive rain storm that washed out a lot of roads and caused significant problems. My kitchen window leaked like it never had before. I was just minding my own business when I heard water GUSHING down the window, across my counter, and onto the floor.

I used every towel I own.

I am grateful September came and went. October has been significantly better. I will be blogging about my trip to the mountains soon so don’t forget to follow if you don’t want to miss anything!

Until next time,
❤
Jamie

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